Am I the only yogi with inner turmoil?
I’ve been practicing yoga for about eight years now. Initially, I started taking classes to pull myself out of the downward spiral of burnout, which had left me with both mental and physical struggles.
When I first began (mainly with Yin Yoga), it took about five weeks before I felt even a hint of inner peace. Later, I realized that this was the phase of accepting my situation.
Was I cured? Could I move on carefree?
Not quite. The next step was to understand how I had reached that point in the first place.
For me, it was about holding on—clinging to habits, thought patterns, and ways of being that felt familiar and safe. But in reality, there was no real sense of safety. Beneath it all, anxiety had taken root, showing up in the form of restless thoughts and night sweats.
Attending yoga classes once or twice a week brought much-needed structure to my life. I kept hearing the same word over and over: Let go. Easy to say, much harder to do. But over time—by then, I was practicing about four times a week—I began to surrender. My mind grew calmer, my body more at ease.
Was I cured then? Could I move on carefree?
Still no.
It took me years to realize that the real work was in maintaining what I had learned. I had to keep showing up on the mat, finding peace again and again. Sometimes, I pushed myself to try more active classes, even though I dreaded them (I’ve never been particularly athletic). But the sense of accomplishment afterward was always worth it.
Through yoga, I gradually understood that letting go was truly the key.
Accepting, Understanding, Managing.
These three words became my foundation. Interestingly, their initials form AUM—the sacred sound of yoga. AUM holds many meanings, and I invite you to explore its depths for yourself.
But where did this inner turmoil come from? How had I carefully built it up over decades?
A powerful lesson comes from the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali (YS 1:33):
"By cultivating kindness toward the fortunate, compassion for the unfortunate, joy in the virtuous, and indifference toward negativity, the mind attains undisturbed calm."
This wisdom isn’t just about how we relate to others; it also applies to how we treat ourselves. When we are kind to ourselves, compassionate toward our struggles, and capable of finding joy in our own growth—while letting go of negativity—we cultivate true inner peace.
I deepened my understanding of this in the Satsang class at Mahé Yoga, where yoga teacher (and owner) Pritha guides us through the philosophical aspects of yoga. These sessions, free of asana practice, focus on harmonizing mind and body.
So, am I cured now? Can I move on carefree?
I don’t think so. But what I do know is that yoga, in all its facets, continues to help me grow.
And for that, I am grateful.
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